I just broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived!!!
I have a condition similar to OCD, its called CDO, its the exact same thing its just the letters are in alphabetical order... as they should be...
That 'No drinks beyond this point' sign might as well say 'I bet you cant chug the whole thing'
Ahh, Facebook mobile.... or as I like to call it 'walk n stalk'
Say these words: Pear... Macaronii... Jack...
Now say them really fast.. out loud
Get it?
No?
Yeah you just said these words out loud for nothing :)
That awkward moment when you realize that if Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner get married, they would both be Taylor Lautner...
Today a guy knocked on my door asking for a donation for my local elementary schools new pool; so I went away, came back, and handed him a cup of water
Dont you just hate when you dont pass on one of those chain mail things and you die the next day?.. yea me too
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Random Jokes #14
When I play fighting games.. I press random buttons and hope for the best
When people ask me 'Plz' Just because its shorter than 'please' I feel perfectly justified to answer 'No' because its shorter than 'Yes'
Deja Moo: The feeling that youve heard this bull before
If youre always organizing things, you have OCD...
If youre always eating things, you have OBCD
I hate weddings because old people always poke you and say, 'Youre next'...
So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals :p
Im gonna take a super nap, its like a regular nap, only I get to wear a cape
Im that kind of person who can trip over something 100 times, and will still be too lazy to pick it up
Zaxbys took a Subway to White Castle, where Burger King and Dairy Queen live, one night they Steak and Shaked, then 9 months later they had Wendys
9 planets, 1 universe, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas and I had the unfortunate luck to meet YOU!?
When people ask me 'Plz' Just because its shorter than 'please' I feel perfectly justified to answer 'No' because its shorter than 'Yes'
Deja Moo: The feeling that youve heard this bull before
If youre always organizing things, you have OCD...
If youre always eating things, you have OBCD
I hate weddings because old people always poke you and say, 'Youre next'...
So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals :p
Im gonna take a super nap, its like a regular nap, only I get to wear a cape
Im that kind of person who can trip over something 100 times, and will still be too lazy to pick it up
Zaxbys took a Subway to White Castle, where Burger King and Dairy Queen live, one night they Steak and Shaked, then 9 months later they had Wendys
9 planets, 1 universe, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas and I had the unfortunate luck to meet YOU!?
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Random Jokes #13
Here I made you a waffle
(>'_')># <(^_^<)
Just kidding my waffle
#<(^_^<) <(-_-<)
DUDE I want my freakin waffle!!
(>0_0)># ==:;(-_-<)
One day Chuck Norris decided to eat at a restraunt and when he was done the waitress said "Have a nice day"
...The next day the waitress was found dead... no one tells Chuck Norris what to do
Which individual takes residence within thy sub aquatic fruit?
SPONGE ROBERT RECTANGULAR PRISM PANTALOONS
Kids are so HYPER these days, I wouldnt be patient enough to be a kindergarden teacher... we'd have to play games like DUCT, DUCT, TAPE
I love using words to sound smart... I mean... utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intellegence
I dont care HOW old I am...... Im getting in that bouncy castle!!
They say love is more important than money, have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
A midget walks into a library and asks, "Have you got a book on Irony?"
The librarian says, "Yea, its on the top shelf."
Haikus are easy.
But sometimes they dont make sense.
Refrigerator.
(>'_')># <(^_^<)
Just kidding my waffle
#<(^_^<) <(-_-<)
DUDE I want my freakin waffle!!
(>0_0)># ==:;(-_-<)
One day Chuck Norris decided to eat at a restraunt and when he was done the waitress said "Have a nice day"
...The next day the waitress was found dead... no one tells Chuck Norris what to do
Which individual takes residence within thy sub aquatic fruit?
SPONGE ROBERT RECTANGULAR PRISM PANTALOONS
Kids are so HYPER these days, I wouldnt be patient enough to be a kindergarden teacher... we'd have to play games like DUCT, DUCT, TAPE
I love using words to sound smart... I mean... utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intellegence
I dont care HOW old I am...... Im getting in that bouncy castle!!
They say love is more important than money, have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
A midget walks into a library and asks, "Have you got a book on Irony?"
The librarian says, "Yea, its on the top shelf."
Haikus are easy.
But sometimes they dont make sense.
Refrigerator.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy Valentines Day...
...Or better known as "Singles Awareness Day" :) Either way I had fun at school cuz I got sooo much candy and yet I didnt get crap for nobody else and they didnt complain :) I guess Im off the hook :) Plus I had coffee this morning and was literally screaming in peoples faces "HAPPY SINGLES AWARENESS DAY!!!!"
I could tell I looked retarded, but I was too hyper to care :D
Happy Valentines Day!!! XOXO
I could tell I looked retarded, but I was too hyper to care :D
Happy Valentines Day!!! XOXO
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Random Jokes #12
I bought a deoderant stick today. The intructions said to remove the wrapper and push up bottom. I can bearly walk but when I fart the room smells so lovely
Stalking is such a strong word....I prefer the term "surveillance expert"
I have a button on my microwave that says "stop time". I assume it means the timer but I dont touch it, just in case
I had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up. I disagreed. Now the clock is broken and Im awake. Not sure who won...
Why is it when you tell someone there are 400 stars in the sky, theyll believe you. But when you tell them the bench is wet, they still have to touch it?
If you try to fail and succeed, which one have you done?
Think POSITIVE
I fell down the stairs
What did I say...
DANG I GOT DOWN THOSE STAIRS FAST!!
Im going to get a bumper sticker that says "honk if you think Im a good driver" that way when I cut people off the wont know what to do
When I see you, I smile. When you talk, Im speechless. When you walk, I stare. Heck, what can I say, retards amuse me =]
Stalking is such a strong word....I prefer the term "surveillance expert"
I have a button on my microwave that says "stop time". I assume it means the timer but I dont touch it, just in case
I had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up. I disagreed. Now the clock is broken and Im awake. Not sure who won...
Why is it when you tell someone there are 400 stars in the sky, theyll believe you. But when you tell them the bench is wet, they still have to touch it?
If you try to fail and succeed, which one have you done?
Think POSITIVE
I fell down the stairs
What did I say...
DANG I GOT DOWN THOSE STAIRS FAST!!
Im going to get a bumper sticker that says "honk if you think Im a good driver" that way when I cut people off the wont know what to do
When I see you, I smile. When you talk, Im speechless. When you walk, I stare. Heck, what can I say, retards amuse me =]
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Random Jokes #11
Paperclip... A staple with commitment issues
Dont you hate you you read in your head and you sound like a pro, but when you go to read out loud you sound retarded
I always try to accomplish something before the microwave reaches zero
After reading the the sentence, you are not aware that the the human brain does not inform you that the the word "the" has been repeated twice everytime...
Anyone have like 50 t-shirts but only wear 5 and say they have no clothes?!
I have no problem texting while driving...now texting whil walking downstairs, that crap is dangerous
I have a stepladder. Its a very nice stepladder but its sad that I never knew my real ladder...
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achived its true calling:
helping people wink online
Who was the roundest king at king arthurs table?
Sir Cumference
Dont you hate you you read in your head and you sound like a pro, but when you go to read out loud you sound retarded
I always try to accomplish something before the microwave reaches zero
After reading the the sentence, you are not aware that the the human brain does not inform you that the the word "the" has been repeated twice everytime...
Anyone have like 50 t-shirts but only wear 5 and say they have no clothes?!
I have no problem texting while driving...now texting whil walking downstairs, that crap is dangerous
I have a stepladder. Its a very nice stepladder but its sad that I never knew my real ladder...
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achived its true calling:
helping people wink online
Who was the roundest king at king arthurs table?
Sir Cumference
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