Random Jokes #30

Teacher: "Somebody start a sentence with I"
Student: "I is..."
Teacher: "No, its I AM"
Student: "...I am the ninth letter in the alphabet"

Think about it: Right now you are the oldest you have ever been and the youngest you will ever be.

Look Left----------->         You Failed

If spiders could fly, Id never go outside again

No one is as ugly as their drivers lisense picture, nor as good looking as their facebook profile picture

I wanna steal a Krispy Kream truck and go on a high speed chase just because it would be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck

Millionares: If you dont have trampoline floors and a giant slide that goes from your bed to your pool, then give me your money, because your wasting it.

Random Jokes #29

Dear McDonalds,
Please consider making your playground supersized for your more dedicated customers.
Sincerely, Stuck in the slide

Dear Stuck in the slide,
Supersizing is not the answer to everything, if you knew that, you wouldnt be stuck.
Sincerely, McDonalds

Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver yelling "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is not a drill!!!"

Dear Family thanks for putting the empty box of cereal back in the cabinet. Now I can have disapointment for breakfast.

Im not hungry. But I am bored. Therefore, I shall eat

If someone tried to break into my house my dog would save me... unless he had a vaccum, then I would die.

Facebook: Scrolling down your newsfeed and thinking:
"Dont care."
"Idiot."
"Your life sucks."
"Song lyrics."
"Inside Joke?"
"Needs a therapist..."