Random Jokes :D

I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year...
Now I dont wanna get anyone in trouble but shouldnt that be an even number??

Im that kind of person who can watch tons of scary movies and not get scared but would scream at the top of my lungs when toast pops out of the toaster :D

DRINK COFFEE!!
do dumb things faster with more energy o_O

Two muffins are baking in a oven, one muffin turns to the other and says "OMG its so hot in here!" The other muffin says "OMG a talking muffin!!"

Im pale and clumsy... now where the heck are the rich vampire and beefy werewolf who are supposed to be fighting over me?!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Mustache
Mustache who?
I mustache you a question but Im shaving it for later :D

Boy: Loves COD
Girl: Hates COD
Boy: Hates COD when he dies
Girl: Loves COD when he dies :D :P

(Phone vibrates) *runs across room* *jumps over couch* *fights off ninjas* *grabs phone* "Man! I thought you were someone else!!"

My phone changed "loud" to "logs", so I "laughed out logs" at my friends joke, I mean I did poop alittle, but how did my phone know?

Im smart in school, Im polite with new people, Im nice with my parents, but put me with my friends and Im whole new person!!

What do you say when your parents yell at you for lying....
Look at them in the face and say,
SANTA CLAUS, EASTER BUNNY, TOOTH FAIRY!!!!