Random Jokes :D #7

I didnt do it!!!... oh... that... yea I did it... :)

How long would it take to solve a rubiks cude if you where color blind?

A mute man told a def man that a blind man saw a bald man comb his hair

Somebody just called me childish and I almost choked on my lego :P

Guys- If you think you look good in your profile pictures because youre giving the camera the death stare, You. Look. Constipated.

Roses are red and Violets are blue, Sugar is sweet and so are you. But now the Roses are dying and the Violets are dead, the Sugar bowl is empty and so is your head

There are 3 brothers. Somebody, Nobody, and Crazy. Somebody got mad at Nobody and killed him. Crazy went to the police and said "SOMBODY KILLED NOBODY!!" "Are you crazy!!" "YES"

Use defeat, deduct, defence, and detail in 1 sentence.
"De-feet of de-duck went over de-fence before de-tail"

Random Jokes :D #6

Say this really fast- I am we Todd it, I am so fairy we Todd it
hahaha XD

If gas prices and everything are going up, then why do paychecks stay the same?

Teachers call it cheating...
We call it teamwork... :)

Not every flower can say love, but a rose did it
Not every plant can save thirst, but a cactus did it
Not every dummy can read, but look at you having a go!

My friend told me that "Bing" just stands for "Because Its Not Google"

90% of girls would cry if Justin Bieber was kidnapped..
9% would scream "YAY!! HES GONE!!"
I would be the 1% poking my new prisoner...

Someone just stole my identity.... sucks for them.... now they dont have a life....

I decided to name my dog "Stay"
And when I wanted to teach him tricks Id say "Come here, Stay!"
.....Hes insane now.....

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats alawys land on their feet, what happends if I strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it??

I wanted some exercise so I ran around the block a few times. Really wore me out!! So I put it back in the toybox and sat down

Random Jokes :D #5

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn...

I belive that unicorns are real they are just fat and grey and we call them rinos

You say I have lost my mind..
I say you cant lose what you never had..

Crazy? Who? Me? Well duh...

Im just like everyone else, I put my straight jacket on one buckle at a time

Never EVER touch a crazy womans pudding!!!
I will stab you with a spoon!!!!

Why do people put designs on toilet paper? Its not like when I go to wipe my butt Im gonna go OH MY GOSH!! A FLOWER!!

Study... study... stud... sta... ah... staf... stafay... fay... face... facebook :D

rope: $3.95
ski mask: $4.99
duct tape: $2.95
shovel: $7.99
look on cashiers face: priceless!
I love Wal-Mart

Random Jokes :D #4

People who dont know me say "Youre very quiet"
People who do know me say "Man I wish she was"

You never know how creative your thought process is until you sit on a wet toilet trying to convince yourself that it is something other than pee

I always have the right answer.
You just sometimes ask the wrong questions

doesanybodyknowwhatthelongbaratthebottomofthekeyboardisfor?

Can you buy those hotel "Do not Disturb" signs? I wanna wear one as a necklace

Friend: I wish I could help you out
Good Friend: Id bail you out
Best Friend: Lets hide in the bushes while the cops search!!!

I believe in love at first sight...
I experience it everytime I go shopping

Am I in a mental institution?.....Oh No....Its just my house

Kids..you spend the first 2 years encouraging them to walk and talk, the next 16 you spend trying to get them to sit down and shut up

Random Jokes :D #3

I wish you could go on google and type in something like "DUDE wheres my phone?!" and it would say "Its under the couch idiot!"

A key ring is a handy little device that allowing you to lose all of your keys at once

I decided to stay up late... it was a bad idea in the morning...

I hate it when I plan a conversation with someone in my head and they dont follow the script

I hate it when people text like ttthhhiiisss oorrrr dey talk lyke dis..... it makes my inner voice sound retarded

LIKE A CHEESE STICK!!!
dad... its G6...

I honestly dont care what gender you are... Im gonna call you "Dude" either way

When someone asks me why I wear sunglasses inside or at night I just smaile and say "Cuz when youre as cool as me, the sun shines on you all the time" B)

2012? Seriously? I survived 9/11, 6/6/6, 9/9/9, H1N1, Swine Flu, And bird flu.
Bring. It. ON!!

Your hands are greasy and there are no napkins in sight, time to decide what item of clothing you care least about

Anagrams

William Shakespeare = Ill make a wise phrase
Waitress = A stew, sir?
The Titanic Disaster = Death, it starts in ice
A Decimal Point = Im a dot in place
Statue of Liberty = Build to stay free
Conversation = Voices rant on
Why do you care? = Hey you coward!
Astronomers = No more stars
Snooze Alarms = Alas! No more Z's
Justin Timberlake = Im a jerk but listen
Garbage Man = Bag Manager

Random Jokes :D #2

If a hobo and a blueberry had kids, would they be called a blobo or a hoberry?

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices daily, how come nothing in the store is free yet?

What starts with "p" and ends in "e" and has hundreds of letters in it
- A post office

There are 5 fish in a tank and one drowns, how many are left?
- 5 fish cant drown :)

What is the tallest building in the world?
- A library because of all its stories :)

DO NOT READ THIS SENTENCE!!!
You read that sentence didnt you???
Oh you REBEL!!

That awkward moment when you open the birthday card and theres no money in it so you pretend to read it with a lost smile

People complain how life is too short...
Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife... Problem solved

Without "me" its just awso

I know that you belive you think you understand what you think that I said, But Im not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant :)

Do you realize how stupid you are when you are arguing with me online? Whats the worse thing you can do?
"Oh, Im about to Cap Locks on you!!"
Scary.

My Name Acronym

Twisted
Arty
Young
Loud
Overwhelmed
Relaxed

Lovable
Exquisite
Apperciative
Neat
Naive

Hiper
Intelligent(sometimes)
Lazy
Dainty
Responsible
Excited
Trustworthy
Happy

Random Jokes :D

I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year...
Now I dont wanna get anyone in trouble but shouldnt that be an even number??

Im that kind of person who can watch tons of scary movies and not get scared but would scream at the top of my lungs when toast pops out of the toaster :D

DRINK COFFEE!!
do dumb things faster with more energy o_O

Two muffins are baking in a oven, one muffin turns to the other and says "OMG its so hot in here!" The other muffin says "OMG a talking muffin!!"

Im pale and clumsy... now where the heck are the rich vampire and beefy werewolf who are supposed to be fighting over me?!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Mustache
Mustache who?
I mustache you a question but Im shaving it for later :D

Boy: Loves COD
Girl: Hates COD
Boy: Hates COD when he dies
Girl: Loves COD when he dies :D :P

(Phone vibrates) *runs across room* *jumps over couch* *fights off ninjas* *grabs phone* "Man! I thought you were someone else!!"

My phone changed "loud" to "logs", so I "laughed out logs" at my friends joke, I mean I did poop alittle, but how did my phone know?

Im smart in school, Im polite with new people, Im nice with my parents, but put me with my friends and Im whole new person!!

What do you say when your parents yell at you for lying....
Look at them in the face and say,
SANTA CLAUS, EASTER BUNNY, TOOTH FAIRY!!!!

I Drew These....

Love Life

Love your life while you got it
Live it to the fullest and dont quit it
Sure you'll have some bad times
But it's worth it, unlike your crimes
Enjoy, just don't regret
Memorize, and never forget
Love and never Hate
Promise before its too late
Always laugh and never fight
With that It'll be alright
You may not want to but its worth a try
It's better to do that than be told a lie
You may think that I am lying
But with this advice you wont be crying
Life is the greatest gift you can get
Just remember you can't hit a reset
Just listen to my advice
And trust me you'll want to read it twice:
Laugh like you've never even cried
Let your conscience be your guide
Live like you've never even suffered
Grab the pen, let go of the sword
And Love like you've never even been hurt
Get up off the ground and wipe off the dirt

What makes me Happy :)

Music that helps me relax all day
a stress releaver that no one can take away
Family to me they mean everyhting
everyday with them makes me wanna sing
Sleep is what helps me up my mood
I have to have it because I dont wanna be rude
Candy? I prefer it sour or sweet
Because without it my life is not complete
Games are what I really enjoy
their better to me than a simple toy

Famous

An actress I wanna be

In my future, creative and artsy

Drama, Comedy, it doesn't matter

Wanna follow my dreams before they shatter

Too old? I don't think so

Too young? I'm still a pro

Disney? Nick? My favorite shows

Want a picture? I will pose

This life-long dream I've always had

Constantly thinking makes me mad

Wanting so bad with all my heart

Been wanting too long it's time to start

Drawing Is My Passion

drawing by night, drawing by day

no ill never go out and play

choking on thoughts, words, feelings

my dreams to me im reeling

just the arts, in only fashion

because to me, this is my passion

Im gettin a new fone....soon! :D

oh its fall now, and im already startin to love the cool air, ahhh :D

im just still waiting for november to come cuz im gettin myself a new fone!!

yep, a motorola backflip itz sooooo cool my brother has it and i love it... i just cannot wait!!